Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Find Me - James Harrison

These have been the hardest 9 days in recent memory. The past has caught up with me and, forsaking details, been blown out of proportion (according to my perspective). My name feels sullied among the circle of knowledgeable peers. I’ve gone through many emotions, both foreign and familiar. I’ve been confused and experienced sharp sadness and bubbling guilt, felt misunderstood and repentant... all at the same time. I’m sure many of you can relate to tough times of confusion, when everything becomes affected. Community living has shown one of its cons. 

Today was a bad work day – I’m in a new department where nearly everything is unfamiliar and I did a lot of observing, making me feel useless. I let this cloud hover all day until after dinner. I opened an e-mail from a good friend with only a couple words. One of them was “Joy.” After sorrowfully laughing at the word, I asked myself, “Why was joy so unattainable today? Why couldn’t I find comfort in God while I worked?” I have conviction that joy is possible at all times, so the situation begged the question, “Why not now, even now?" Then the words, “Nothing is impossible with God,” came to mind again. 

I jumped up, grabbed my journal, and wrote this, “You say, ‘It’s you and me till the wheels fall off.’ It really is, God. So, how do we do this? The new Fire Bowl topic is ‘Joy.’ Of course it is. I really believe joy is attainable. But right now I have one resounding question, ‘How, in this impossible time, do I have joy?’ 

‘Find me.’ 

Those quiet words echo through my mind, trailing off to my fingers and toes. The doorway eats up the light around it, but I find the courage to step towards you, cross the threshold, and listen.” 

This evening I listened and heard only quietness. But after a long time, that quietness quieted me and gave me peace. Then it slowly dawned on me: If God can bring peace in our time together, then he really can do anything. Truly, all things are possible with God. With this peace, I can smile while I work, realizing that it’s all going to be okay; I’ll learn in time. With this joy I can realize that my name will be restored if God wants to restore it. In fact, it may not actually be sullied the way I think it is (But we have an enemy who would convince me otherwise). For now, I will be honest and do whatever it takes to find reconciliation. Joy is always available, and if you’re inviting Joy, you may as well give a call to Peace as well and have yourself a party.

6 comments:

  1. Beautiful, as always baby James. And your integrity is not a whisper, but a shout that can't be ignored. Your name will be restored because God is in the business of bringing truth to light.
    Tina

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  2. Let the quietness quiet me. "Sound" advice.

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  3. I've been learning this too - that I don't have to live in a bad funk all day when something unpleasant happens. I look to the One who is my Rock, my Joy, my Life and deliberately choose to think on Him and talk to Him instead of reliving what troubles me over and over.

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  4. James... 'The Supplanter': To uproot and replace by way of excellence.

    The most excellent way is love.

    Thank you for the beacon that is you.

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